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About a Boy

About a Boy

BMCC undergrad Shasidharan Kesavan shares a prose about facing inevitable changes.

 A blinding flash of light is all I see; I can barely open my eyes as I feel the cold grasp of human touch. It’s all a little too much; I’m excited and terrified at the same time.  I can’t seem to understand where I am as I slowly hear a distinct voice, “Thank you” I don’t know what I’m hearing or what is happening but I know I can never go back  to my world.

Soon after, a familiar face is all I see and come to love. It’s strange, I felt safer and comfortable before but now, love is breathing new life into me.  There is so much I want to do, but I’m confined to a pattern I’m powerless to change. What I knew, I thought to be everything, is now something, I know is just the beginning.

Gradually my surroundings start to change, uncertainty lingers but I’m comforted by the familiar face that warms my soul. The need to do things fast starts to exude itself and once I felt the feeling of the wind on my face, I never put on a slipper again.  I begin to see new faces continually and to my horror, they become familiar to me.

One of them even follows me home every now and again, I don’t like it. Having to share what was all mine is something I can never get used to. Despite this new found frustration, I find peace when I’m in the arms of her gentle and strong hands. Every time she speaks to me, the look in her eyes erases all my fears.

Even though I’m no longer in my former world of darkness, I realize that I’m able to visit it the minute I close my eyes. I wonder how I could have lived in that world as now, it scares me. Colours intrigue me and a desire to understand what I don’t, fuels my mind. Every answer I receive creates a new question I want to understand.

Being able to do what I want when I want to, seems a distant memory. Conditioned to a routine that I myself must initiate sees me stumble at every attempt. I start to go against the familiar face I love just so I can do what I want. Why should I have to do anything that doesn’t make me happy? It’s only fair.

Thinking I knew it all, I was walking on thin ice. My inevitable fall, made me realize that my will and doom go hand in hand. As I grow older, I understand my attitude then, didn’t just belong to me, as happiness may be a man’s ultimate prize but it will always be a boy’s only will.

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